After being gone for almost two weeks, I'm back home now. It was wonderful getting to spend so much time with my grandma. :)
I've been thinking about risks lately. The phrase "The greater the risk, the greater the reward" has been bouncing around my brain.
There's a subtle safety in not taking risks- playing it safe and taking the easy route offer security and less stress, but it's not nearly as rewarding. Taking the road less traveled means harder work, more stress, and uncertainty, but it also has the greatest treasures waiting at the end of it.
When it comes to writing, I'm risking a lot by going for my dreams. More than I care to admit to, if I'm being honest with myself. I feel that this is my last chance to prove that I'm going to make something great of myself, that I can do what I set out to do. If it doesn't pay off this year, I think I might just have to give up putting my efforts into it and find something a little "safer" to do.
I feel in the deepest depths of my soul and with the entirety of my heart that I am doing what I'm supposed to be doing. I feel strongly that doing otherwise would be a mistake right now. I believe that, though the risk is quite grand, the rewards will be ten times better than I'm imagining they will be. I believe, with everything I am, that I'm not really risking anything because I feel this will pay off better than I believe it will.
But still, it's scary. It's an intense feeling to know there is a potential of actually failing and losing, then being forced to do something I don't want to in order to live life. I'm terrified of the idea that I might fail at writing and then have to settle into a 9-5 job where I'm just another replaceable cog in the wheel, doing something that does not satisfy me in the least, becoming another "working class hero" who lives for the hastily-fleeting weekend. But that's just me.
My zombie novel and my memoir are going to be my big sellers, I believe. I think that they will be the ones to put me on the map, especially my memoir. I can't wait to release them (zombie novel at the end of the month, memoir after that sometime) and see what people think.
I hope that this will work out. It would suck if it doesn't. Maybe I'm just getting worried.