Fictitious dreams that influence the future.

Last night, I had a dream about one of my characters from the Silence of Souls series.

First, an announcement: I've decided on a title for the sequel.  It's going to be Resurgence.

I'm working on the sequel, and it's going to be so much more intense and emotional than the first.  The first, in hindsight, was really just setting the stage for the series.  In the sequel, there is a deplorable, absolutely horrible thing that happens to one of my characters.  I debated for a long time, and spoke to several people about it, before I decided to actually do this thing in the novel.

Back to the dream... last night, I dreamt about this character whom something terrible happens to.  This character was very sad, very hurt, and couldn't understand why this terrible thing had to happen.  I held this character in my arms and comforted them as they sobbed.  I told them they would be alright, and that times may seem hard right now, but they would get better in the future.

I promised my character that life would go on for them, and that it would, eventually, be great.  I think, inadvertently, that I have (unofficially) committed to continuing the series for as long as the story keeps going.  It may end after three books, it may end after twelve.  We'll see.  All I know right now is that my character is having a hard time understanding why this terrible thing had to happen to them, so I must continue on with the story until things get better for that character. It could take a while- there's a lot more hell they'll have to go to before they start to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

The story must go on.

I'm doing a giveaway, so pass along the word.  You could win autographed copies of Silence of Souls AND Resurgence!

Goodreads Book Giveaway

Silence of Souls

by Stefanie Oberhansley

Giveaway ends December 19, 2012.

See the giveaway details at Goodreads.

Enter to win

I am who I am; you are who you are; it's beautiful. :)

Since the release of Silence of Souls earlier this month, I've been having a few absolutely incredible experiences.  I can't believe these things are happening to me, especially this quick- I would have thought it would take years before experiencing anything like this: I feel like a "celebrity."

Obviously, not to the scale (or anything even remotely close to it) that Brad Pitt or Ellen DeGeneres feel like celebrities, but there have been a few occasions where I felt like I was somebody.  I have "fans," and it's incredible.  There's been four people who have contacted me, praising my work, and telling me how inspiring I am to them.  I've gotten to know a couple of them, and they're amazing people.

Twice there's been instances in real life that were totally surreal.

The first one was when I went to a party about a month ago, and there was this girl there I had never met.  I introduced myself to her, and she said "Oh, I know who you are!  You wrote 'Surprise Party!' That was a fantastic play, and it's so nice to meet you!"

The second one was when I met this caretaker that comes to visit my grandpa once a week.  She asked me if I was the "writing granddaughter he always talks about" and I said yes.  She then asked me to write down my name and the title of my book so she can look it up, so I did.  When I handed her the piece of paper, she read it and then said "Oh, this sounds really familiar.  I think I've heard of you!"

It's completely flattering, humbling, and unbelievable that these things would happen.  I'm not sure I've really done anything to deserve such recognition, but I'll admit that I am really enjoying this incredible ride.

One of my friends, whom I have known for years, has been following along the whole time with my publishing, writing, et al.  He gave me a piece of advice: "Now that you're starting to gain a rapidly-growing following, you should be mindful of who you are and create the image you want to be.  You should stop posting political stuff and speaking your mind so much.  If you're more bland to the public, more people will like you."

While I appreciate his advice and understand what he's saying, I don't agree with it- I respect his opinion, and if he feels that is what he wants to do when he starts gaining a following, then that is fine with me.  But that's not the right choice for myself.

I am who I am, and I would rather have 100 fans who like the real me instead of 1,000,000 fans who like a bland, fragmented version of who I really am.  I have strong beliefs, I have opinions, and I have a personality.  I'm not going to hide who I am just for the possibility of gaining fans.

It took me years, but I finally like who I am- why would I want to oppress that now?

Undoubtedly, there will be people out there who don't like me for me.  There will be people who dislike that I am pro-equality.  There will be people out there who won't read my work because I believe in an afterlife.  There will be people out there who assume that just because I am on the left side of politics that I am also very supportive of stricter gun laws (not so, but that's a story for another time).

I am who I am, and I like me.  I hope you like who you are, too.  Over the years, I've grown emotionally, expanded my mind, experienced things that have shaped who I am, and have formed opinions based on facts and what makes sense to me.  It wasn't an easy journey to become who I am, so why should I try to hide it?  It's impossible to be universally loved, so why be something I'm not when I can't please everyone anyway?

Be who you are, there's no one else like you.  We are all so different- each with a unique set of experiences, beliefs, reasons, motivations, understandings, and so on.  It's so much more interesting when we let the "real" us out instead of hiding behind what society expects us to be.  At least, that's what I believe.  ;-)

Don't be discouraged.

Silence of Souls has received its second review.  Time-wise, I think it's pretty good that I've received two reviews within a week of release.  The first was a 5-Star, and it was very flattering and humbling!  The second one is a 3-Star review.  The reviewer made some valid points, said that the story was solid, and the things he didn't care for about Silence of Souls are purely opinions and don't reflect on the quality of the work.  (For example- he said he thought it was strange that the word "zombie" was never mentioned.  That's something I deliberated over for a bit while I was writing, but then found that the majority of the [good] zombie fiction I read doesn't often actually use the z-word.)  That being the case, this hasn't discouraged me in the least.  Three-stars isn't bad, actually.  Plus, he did compliment the work.  (I peeked at his other reviews- he rarely gives a review above 3-stars anyway.)

To be honest, I talk a lot of talk that I don't usually walk.  I am always encouraging people to reach for their dreams, to work hard, and to not let naysayers get them down.  But I've found that I get discouraged pretty easily, and it's something I'm working on getting better at.  When I got my first (and, thus far, only) 2-star review for The Secret Room, I was very discouraged, even though I had received several 5-star reviews prior to that.  With Silence of Souls, I have received a tremendous amount of positive feedback and praise, and each comment is very heartwarming.  This time, I'm happy to have a 3-star review, because it means that people are reading and thinking about my work.  I welcome feedback and reviews, both positive and negative.

I love doing what I do, and I enjoy it.  I need to stop being so concerned about what the people who don't like what I do or who I am think, and start focusing on how I feel about myself.  I wrote a novel, published it, sold it, and now I'm starting work on another one- no matter what happens, no one can take that away, and I'm proud of myself.  :)

Also, on a side note: Silence of Souls is available in Kindle eBook and now in paperback!

In Memory of Those Who Died in Aurora, Colorado, at the showing of The Dark Knight Rises

Danny and I went and saw The Dark Knight Rises on Saturday.  It was awesome!  I saw the teaser trailer a while ago, but I hadn't seen any other trailers before seeing the film, so I didn't have many expectations when I walked in the theater.  It was great, I would love to see it again.  (And if I looked like Anne Hathaway, I would wear that cat suit every day!)

When we got to the theater it was about 15 minutes before the 1:00 showing.  We figured we'd get in to the one after that, which was at 2:35; we expected to be at the theater for at least an hour before seeing the movie since it was opening weekend of one of the most anticipated movies of the year.  However, when we went up to the box office the employee informed us that there was still plenty of room in the showing that started in just fifteen minutes; out of 300 seats, only about 50 had been sold.

We were a little surprised.  Then we realized the reason it must have been so barren: the tragedy in Aurora, Colorado.

It's hard to put into words the feelings that come from hearing about this terrible event.  Senseless violence and murder are something I can never wrap my head around.  I just can't understand why someone would want to inflict that kind of pain on another living person.

When the movie started, I was imagining what it must have been like for them: sitting there, enjoying an evening with friends and about to see a film I'm sure they were all looking forward to, when someone comes in and starts shooting.  These were people with hopes, dreams, families, expectations, goals, and so much ahead of them, and it was all taken away in the blink of an eye.  My heart goes out to the victims, their families, friends, and the survivors from the theater.

One time, in a group of friends, someone asked us all what we would do if we only had two minutes left to live.  Most people responded with things like "fight to the death so I can live!" and "call 9-1-1!" and asked questions like "what am I dying from? Can I find a cure before I die?  Am I close to a hospital?"  My response was simple: "If I had just a few minutes left to live, I would think of all the things that made me happy."


In the wake of this shocking catastrophe, there have been a lot of people calling for stricter gun laws and more government control.  People are throwing out statistics about how many gun-related deaths there are every year.  The truth is, getting rid of guns won't be what makes the difference.  They're simply a tool, not the mastermind behind the crime.  If a person wants to inflict harm on another, they're not going to just say "Hmm, I don't have a gun.  Oh well, guess I can't do anything to hurt them."  They'll find other means; they'll use another tool.  Tighter gun laws isn't going to change how people feel, and it isn't going to stop violence- it'll just make it so that the only people who have guns are the ones who acquire them illegally.

To back up my statement there, consider this: when alcohol was illegal during the Prohibition (1920-1933), it is estimated that alcohol consumption remained at about 60%-70% of what it was pre-Prohibition (source).  That means that out of 100 people who drank alcohol before the Prohibition, there was around 70 who still regularly consumed alcohol while it was illegal.  That's just an estimation, so it's likely that it could be higher.  Take a look at marijuana: it's illegal (a few states allow it for medicinal purposes only, but no state allows it for recreational use), and yet it's estimated that almost half of the population uses it regularly.  If people want something, legal or not, they can get it.

So what's the solution?  I'm not sure, really.  The easy answer is that the solution to violence is love and kindness, but I have no idea how to implement that on a national scale.  Maybe the solution is to just do what we can as individuals to show kindness to all others; kindness is contagious, and it spreads fast.

Of course, some people, like James Holmes, just aren't stable.  No person in their right mind would do such a thing to other people.

My heart and thoughts go out to all affected by this.

Working for Yourself

The last few days, I've been thinking a lot about who I try to please. I find that, sadly, I tend to get so bent on impressing those who have put me down in one way or another that I don't always realize how many people support me. It's kind of sad.

But I'm done with that. It's so futile and pointless. For example, I wrote something a while back, got tons of positive feedback on it, but there was one person who thought it was terrible. That one person was the one opinion that rang loudest in my ears, even though I didn't have strong emotional ties to that person and they have minimal knowledge of the subject of the piece. So why did I put so much importance on one negative opinion instead of the dozens of positive opinions?

I think that most of us have this unattainable desire to please everyone. We all have a tendency to listen to the naysayers over the YAYsayers, even when the latter far outnumbers the former. I know I sometimes get distraught when I can't please everyone, but why?

Everyone is different, and there's no pleasing everyone. There is nothing that will universally please all people, period. The more people that see your work, the more fans you'll gain, but that also means you'll hear more negativity- it just comes with the territory. If you reach fifty people, you might get one that hates your work; if you reach five thousand people, you might get a hundred people who hate your work.

We shouldn't work to please the naysayers, we should do what we do to please ourselves and the yaysayers. Besides, if we try to please everyone, it'll eventually drive us crazy and burn us out.

Do what you love, and do it for yourself.

Giving Up

It's hard to think about things that we should give up in order to live the fullest, mostly because we become so attached to those things.

Yesterday, I spent two hours crying my eyes out- I watched the series finale of "Extreme Makeover: Home Edition."  In this episode, they built seven homes for seven families in seven days in Joplin, MO.  For those of you who don't remember, Joplin was devastated by a tornado last May.  In this episode, they featured seven families who had lost nearly all their possessions.

These families had next to nothing- they lost their houses, their furniture, their family pictures, and so many more items.  But what they had was love- a strong familial bond together, an appreciation for the time they share with their loved ones, and a gratitude for life.

When we give up our attachment to worldly possessions, we open up more space in our hearts and minds for the things that matter the most, the things that could never be bought or sold- love, bonds, hope, and happiness.  We gain a sense of freedom that we didn't have before, like removing an anchor that holds us down to any particular spot.

Giving up living in the past is another one of those things that can set us free.  What we go through in life and all of our experiences, both good and bad, contribute to who we are and how we view and understand the world.  We should never forget the past or the lessons we have learned as we go through life, but we should stop trying to live in the past.  For a while, I wanted to go back to high school and essentially do it over.  There is so much I would have wanted to do different, people I wish I hadn't lost connection with since graduation, and mistakes I wish I could have prevented.  It took me a while to get to where I stopped wishing to go back to the past.  I think one of the reasons we try to live in the past is because we believe it was the best part of our life, and the thought of nothing better ever coming again terrifies us.  But life is what you make it, and it can keep getting better and better.

The current present will someday be the past.  Time is constantly moving, and if we aren't living in the present moment, then when are we?  The past you might be holding on to was once the present, and if you ignore the present it will someday be the past you may long for in the future.  (Was that sentence confusing enough?)

We should also give up our sense of entitlement.  Believing that the world "owes us" is a heavy burden to carry.  The truth is that none of us are owed anything; the days we breathe are themselves a gift, and it's never promised that we will live to see tomorrow.  I once lived in an apartment building with a couple who believed the world owed them for the pain they had lived through.  They had suffered accidents that left them unable to work, and they would rarely leave their home.  Often, they would have music or the television on through the night (they would sleep during the day) with the volume up so loud that they couldn't even hear their doorbell.  Most of the time I tried to just ignore it, but once or twice a week I'd go and knock on their door to ask them to turn it down because it was 3am or so and I needed to get up for work at 6am.  I'd wait for them to answer the door, but they usually couldn't hear the bell over the television.  I called the manager, he tried calling them, but said he couldn't get through.  I wrote them a note once, asking them to please keep the volume down during the night because others in the building were trying to sleep.  They wrote me back, saying that I should "just get over it" and then listed all the ailments they felt.  The manager said he wanted to evict them because they generated a lot of complaints from other tenants and were often late on the rent, but every time he tried they threatened to sue for discrimination and he felt he had no choice but to back off. 

The point of the whole story is that the couple was absolutely miserable.  When I'd pass them in the hall, I'd smile and say hello, often ignored or met with a snarky chuckle.  If someone got on the elevator before them or didn't automatically hold the door (even if that person didn't know these people had an accident- which, other than the fact that they walked a little slower, you couldn't tell by looking at them) these two would get mad and make a comment about how rude that person was.

Pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional.  This couple had come to believe that the world owed them since they had suffered through pain, but even though their situation is saddening, the world doesn't really owe them (or anyone else) anything.  When we give up the sense of entitlement that many of us feel from time to time, we release an invisible burden we have placed on ourselves.  Holding on to that sense of entitlement will usually lead to disappointment, because nothing is going to just be handed to us on a silver platter- we need to work for it, and appreciate what we do have.  Think about people like Steve Jobs, Bill Gates, or other highly influential and successful people- nearly all of them started out with very little and built up their empire.  Even Walt Disney came from a poor farm family and moved to Los Angeles with nothing but a suitcase, $20, and determination to work his ass of until he achieved his goals.  Nothing is impossible unless we decide it is.

I hope this post hasn't come off sounding heartless- I always tried to help the couple when I could; opening the doors, holding the elevator, and offering to carry in their groceries for them.

 If you would like to help Joplin rebuild, check out their website:

Joplin, MO

It Gets Better (a.k.a. Thou Shall Not Bully)

After reading Amanda Hocking's most recent blog post, I got to thinking about bullying again.  Even with all her success, she still gets people criticizing her and picking apart everything she does.  Sometimes she gets terrible reviews of her books, with words that can sting an author and seem rather personal.

With success comes criticism.  The more success (and widely-known) a person becomes, the more critics they will gain.  Some people will say and do things that seem incredibly personal or harsh, but that doesn't mean they are personal.  In fact, more often than not, it is not personal at all.

Bullies are petty and misguided.  There are very few cases in which a bully picks on someone for the pure sake of being mean or making the other person feel down; most of the time, the reason a bully picks on someone is internal.  They may not have confidence in themselves, they may be jealous, or they may just be afraid, and they express their internal insecurities by bringing down someone else.

A lot of times when a person is successful, others start to tell them they're doing it wrong or that they shouldn't be doing what they're doing.  People will try to bring your dreams down, mostly because they're too scared or lack confidence to pursue their own.  They will get angry at themselves because they're not living their dreams, and misery loves company- if they can't have it, they don't want you to have it either, so they do what they can to discourage and bring you down.  Don't ever give up, though- go for your dreams.  Let the harsh criticisms go out the window, and don't do what you want to do just to spite them, do it to make yourself happy!

By no means am I saying we should sympathize with bullies.  Bullying is wrong, for any reason.  If you or anyone you know is being bullied, get help: there's tons of bullying hotlines out there.  If you are bullying someone, STOP!!  Bullying may sometimes seem like harmless fun, but it can lead to serious damages and even suicide- would you want to be responsible for someone's death?  NO!

I was bullied.  Twice in life, actually.  The first was in elementary school- I was bullied when I returned to school after months of cancer treatment.  Kids would pick on me, call me mean names, and say terrible things to me because I had no hair.  It changed me- I became very shy and insecure.  It took me a long time to reverse the affects, and sometimes I'm not so sure I'm completely over it.

I was also bullied as an adult, by another adult.  He would send me messages and tell me hurtful and harsh things because he didn't agree with my chosen professions.  The words he said to me over the course of two years cut me deep, and I've learned that it's best to just keep my distance from him now.  I think it's because he never had the opportunity to have his own dreams, he just always did what was expected of him, and here I am doing what I love and being successful at it.  Still, it pains me whenever I think of some of those things he's said to me.

When I write my memoir, I'm going to include the detailed version of my experience being bullied.  It's shaped me a lot, and I can't wait to share that part with others.

If you're being bullied, keep going.  Send me an email, I'd  love to talk to you.  And it's been said before, but I'll say it again- it gets better, I promise.

Peppermint tea and a peaceful playlist

We don't always realize when life's pivotal moments will come.  Sometimes we don't even know they've happened until they're already over.

I feel like the last year or so has been leading up to this week; or that the last several years have been leading up to these few months.  It's hard to describe- like something magical is about to happen, but I get to decide whether or not it happens.  I feel like I'm in control of my destiny, and yet I feel like the fact that the future is entirely unknown is exciting.  Just sitting here thinking about it has my adrenaline rushing, in a good way.  Like my spirit has been awoken and my soul has been renewed, but I don't even know why.

It's hard for me to admit this, but I'm pretty certain I had depression.  I say "pretty certain" because I was never officially diagnosed since I didn't have health insurance to see a doctor, but several people who are close to me said that they believe that's what I was suffering from.  I did a lot of reading and found out that I had all but one of the symptoms (according to Depression for Dummies, I had probably been suffering from it for years).  It was at it's worst a few months ago, and I had thoughts about myself that I will never repeat.

But now, I feel alive again.  I've been reflecting on this as I drink one of my new favorites, peppermint tea, and listening to a great playlist.  I feel like I've been sitting in a dark room and I finally figured out where the light switch is, letting brightness in.  I feel like I'm ready to let go of my past mistakes (there's a lot of them, but we don't need to go into detail right now) and move on.  I think I'm so ready for the future, and excited to just let myself be happy being me.

I have a feeling that 2012 is going to be my year.  I intend to release three or four more books, including my memoir, before the end of the year (and at this rate, probably more).  I also feel that this year I'm going to reach my goal weight and learn how to dance (yay, more to blog about).  Last but not least, I want to start acting professionally again (I miss it so much- I did a Solo show in December, but it's been almost a year since I've performed in something I didn't write).  There's no reason why I can't be a WRITER and an ACTRESS!  Both are such deep-rooted passions of mine, and both fulfill me endlessly.  I'm focusing on writing right now so I can finally start paying my bills again, but once I get the ball really rolling on that, I'm getting back into acting again too.

So here's to the good times, and to the bad times that make the good times shine that much brighter. <3

4 out of 5 is good, so why is the 1 out of 5 so loud in my head?

Sometimes I feel confident in myself and my writing, because I love doing it and I enjoy what I write (otherwise I wouldn't write it).  But no matter how much positive feedback I get (and this is on life in general, not just writing) it seems that one negative comment can bring all the confidence crashing down.

I think, for most people, confidence is like a log cabin- one log can easily be rolled away, and the more logs there are, the more it takes to roll away and dismantle the cabin.  But sometimes it seems like the positive reinforcement it takes to build the cabin is a lot smaller than the negative reinforcement it takes to dismantle it.

My novelette, The Secret Room, has been up on Amazon for about two weeks now.  During that time, it has been read by numerous people who have given me amazing kudos and positive feedback (as well as feedback on what they are most interested in learning more about, which has spawned me to create a prequel/sequel to go deeper into the story), which I can't begin to say how astounded I am that The Secret Room became so well-liked.  I'm humbled by an amazing and unexpected beginning into the world of self-publishing (and I know it's going to take a lot of work to keep it up and make a living doing what I love, but I feel that hard work will be worth it tenfold).

Then last night, I noticed a weird flux in the U.K. sales report, which has been constant all week.  I looked on The Secret Room U.K. page, and saw reviews that I was unaware were there.  There's two reviews, one is a 5-star saying how much they loved it, and the other is a 1-star saying how terrible it is and warning others not to waste the £0.77 ($0.99 USD).  If you want to see the review: The Secret Room UK.


The weird thing is that I was selling zero copies in the U.K. until the review was published, then I sold 3 in a day.  So I have no idea if that is just a coincidence, or if people were enticed by the negative review and the positive review and decided they want to read and find out for themselves.  But I didn't sell the 3 copies until yesterday, and the review has apparently been up since the 14th, according to Amazon.

The more people read my work, the more I'll be faced with harsh criticism and negative reviews.  It just comes with the territory.  But as long as the positive is outweighing the negative, then it's all good.  There is no way to please everyone, so bring it on.  Even Stephen King gets negative reviews on his work!


When it comes down to it, I write because it's what I love.  This isn't a get-rich-quick scheme (if anything, it's a get-rich-slow scheme, or more likely, a hope-you'll-make-an-acceptable-living-slow scheme) for me, and if I never sold another copy again, I'd still write.  I would still work to finish all the stories and books I have planned, because it's in me and I need to get it out.  But seeing that review kind of took me down, and even though it's the only really negative feedback I've received for The Secret Room, it is still making me question myself and my work.


I'm not taking it personal, though.  I know not everyone will enjoy my stories.  It's just hard to move on sometimes.  But if you're in a valley of negativity, not moving on will mean staying in that valley.  And I prefer the mountains.