Fictitious dreams that influence the future.

Last night, I had a dream about one of my characters from the Silence of Souls series.

First, an announcement: I've decided on a title for the sequel.  It's going to be Resurgence.

I'm working on the sequel, and it's going to be so much more intense and emotional than the first.  The first, in hindsight, was really just setting the stage for the series.  In the sequel, there is a deplorable, absolutely horrible thing that happens to one of my characters.  I debated for a long time, and spoke to several people about it, before I decided to actually do this thing in the novel.

Back to the dream... last night, I dreamt about this character whom something terrible happens to.  This character was very sad, very hurt, and couldn't understand why this terrible thing had to happen.  I held this character in my arms and comforted them as they sobbed.  I told them they would be alright, and that times may seem hard right now, but they would get better in the future.

I promised my character that life would go on for them, and that it would, eventually, be great.  I think, inadvertently, that I have (unofficially) committed to continuing the series for as long as the story keeps going.  It may end after three books, it may end after twelve.  We'll see.  All I know right now is that my character is having a hard time understanding why this terrible thing had to happen to them, so I must continue on with the story until things get better for that character. It could take a while- there's a lot more hell they'll have to go to before they start to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

The story must go on.

I'm doing a giveaway, so pass along the word.  You could win autographed copies of Silence of Souls AND Resurgence!

Goodreads Book Giveaway

Silence of Souls

by Stefanie Oberhansley

Giveaway ends December 19, 2012.

See the giveaway details at Goodreads.

Enter to win

It Gets Better (a.k.a. Thou Shall Not Bully)

After reading Amanda Hocking's most recent blog post, I got to thinking about bullying again.  Even with all her success, she still gets people criticizing her and picking apart everything she does.  Sometimes she gets terrible reviews of her books, with words that can sting an author and seem rather personal.

With success comes criticism.  The more success (and widely-known) a person becomes, the more critics they will gain.  Some people will say and do things that seem incredibly personal or harsh, but that doesn't mean they are personal.  In fact, more often than not, it is not personal at all.

Bullies are petty and misguided.  There are very few cases in which a bully picks on someone for the pure sake of being mean or making the other person feel down; most of the time, the reason a bully picks on someone is internal.  They may not have confidence in themselves, they may be jealous, or they may just be afraid, and they express their internal insecurities by bringing down someone else.

A lot of times when a person is successful, others start to tell them they're doing it wrong or that they shouldn't be doing what they're doing.  People will try to bring your dreams down, mostly because they're too scared or lack confidence to pursue their own.  They will get angry at themselves because they're not living their dreams, and misery loves company- if they can't have it, they don't want you to have it either, so they do what they can to discourage and bring you down.  Don't ever give up, though- go for your dreams.  Let the harsh criticisms go out the window, and don't do what you want to do just to spite them, do it to make yourself happy!

By no means am I saying we should sympathize with bullies.  Bullying is wrong, for any reason.  If you or anyone you know is being bullied, get help: there's tons of bullying hotlines out there.  If you are bullying someone, STOP!!  Bullying may sometimes seem like harmless fun, but it can lead to serious damages and even suicide- would you want to be responsible for someone's death?  NO!

I was bullied.  Twice in life, actually.  The first was in elementary school- I was bullied when I returned to school after months of cancer treatment.  Kids would pick on me, call me mean names, and say terrible things to me because I had no hair.  It changed me- I became very shy and insecure.  It took me a long time to reverse the affects, and sometimes I'm not so sure I'm completely over it.

I was also bullied as an adult, by another adult.  He would send me messages and tell me hurtful and harsh things because he didn't agree with my chosen professions.  The words he said to me over the course of two years cut me deep, and I've learned that it's best to just keep my distance from him now.  I think it's because he never had the opportunity to have his own dreams, he just always did what was expected of him, and here I am doing what I love and being successful at it.  Still, it pains me whenever I think of some of those things he's said to me.

When I write my memoir, I'm going to include the detailed version of my experience being bullied.  It's shaped me a lot, and I can't wait to share that part with others.

If you're being bullied, keep going.  Send me an email, I'd  love to talk to you.  And it's been said before, but I'll say it again- it gets better, I promise.

What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Stronger, Pt. 1- Deal and Heal

People are often underestimated.  A lot of the time, it seems that no one underestimates a person more than that specific person- I believe know from experience and observation that it is frequently quite surprising what we can handle.

We never really know what we will be able to handle or how we will handle something until it actually happens.  We can think about it, come up with a plan, and prepare ourselves as best we can, but until it really happens we won't know how we will feel about it.

All of us have a different tolerance level for pain, and I feel this applies just as much (if not more) emotionally as it does physically.  On the pain scale, one person's 10 may be another person's 3.  Some people can go through the most unimaginable tragedies and still pick themselves up and move on, while others may experience something that most people would consider "less tragic" and not be able to go on at all.  To the two varying individuals, two very different events may hold the same amount of tragedy- it's unique and personal how we feel different things.

But we really have no place to judge the scale of tragedy in another person's life, because we all feel and handle things so differently.  Even if it's the same event, in the same family, people handle it differently, and there's no right or wrong way.  Some people may begin healing after a few weeks, some may take decades before they feel they've "moved on" from the event.

Hardships and tragedies are a fact of life.  All us experience a multitude of them throughout our lives, and there's no real "rules" for dealing with them.  Society, in general, tells us that there is a right and wrong way of handling things, that there's a certain time allotment for grieving and healing, and that at some point we should go on and return to "normal."  But after tragedies and hardships, what once was "normal" will never be again.  We adapt and come to a new normal, and usually a little tougher and wiser from the experience, and there's no right or wrong way of dealing and healing.  What may work for one person may do nothing for another.  Few people will get to the point where they can act like their hardships never happened, and we shouldn't forget what we've gone through to get where we are now.

But even though we experience tragedy, our life does not have to completely become a tragedy.  We don't have to let the hardships we've survived through completely dictate and define us, nor do they have to become our sole identities.  Yes, they do become a part of who we are, but they don't have to take down the rest of our life.

Think of the phrase "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger."  Is it true?  Yes and no.  I believe that whether we are strengthened or weakened by our hardships and tragedies is a choice we make.  It's harder for some people than others, but always possible.  Those hardships will never leave us, but we can turn the pain into power.  Open wounds turn into scabs.  Scabs will bleed when picked at and may even reopen, but eventually those scabs will turn into scars.  Those scars will probably be sore and huge for a while, but eventually they'll fade into our skin, where they will be a visual reminder of what we went through and survived.

We may never "get over" some tragedies, but we can learn to help them heal and learn to live with them.  Even if the pain never goes away, we can learn how to dull it.  We can make room for happiness again.




Check out this post.  I don't agree completely with all of it, but it's pretty interesting and insightful: "I will gladly deny myself unnecessary suffering, so I can avoid the greater tragedy of living in denial of joy."

Peppermint tea and a peaceful playlist

We don't always realize when life's pivotal moments will come.  Sometimes we don't even know they've happened until they're already over.

I feel like the last year or so has been leading up to this week; or that the last several years have been leading up to these few months.  It's hard to describe- like something magical is about to happen, but I get to decide whether or not it happens.  I feel like I'm in control of my destiny, and yet I feel like the fact that the future is entirely unknown is exciting.  Just sitting here thinking about it has my adrenaline rushing, in a good way.  Like my spirit has been awoken and my soul has been renewed, but I don't even know why.

It's hard for me to admit this, but I'm pretty certain I had depression.  I say "pretty certain" because I was never officially diagnosed since I didn't have health insurance to see a doctor, but several people who are close to me said that they believe that's what I was suffering from.  I did a lot of reading and found out that I had all but one of the symptoms (according to Depression for Dummies, I had probably been suffering from it for years).  It was at it's worst a few months ago, and I had thoughts about myself that I will never repeat.

But now, I feel alive again.  I've been reflecting on this as I drink one of my new favorites, peppermint tea, and listening to a great playlist.  I feel like I've been sitting in a dark room and I finally figured out where the light switch is, letting brightness in.  I feel like I'm ready to let go of my past mistakes (there's a lot of them, but we don't need to go into detail right now) and move on.  I think I'm so ready for the future, and excited to just let myself be happy being me.

I have a feeling that 2012 is going to be my year.  I intend to release three or four more books, including my memoir, before the end of the year (and at this rate, probably more).  I also feel that this year I'm going to reach my goal weight and learn how to dance (yay, more to blog about).  Last but not least, I want to start acting professionally again (I miss it so much- I did a Solo show in December, but it's been almost a year since I've performed in something I didn't write).  There's no reason why I can't be a WRITER and an ACTRESS!  Both are such deep-rooted passions of mine, and both fulfill me endlessly.  I'm focusing on writing right now so I can finally start paying my bills again, but once I get the ball really rolling on that, I'm getting back into acting again too.

So here's to the good times, and to the bad times that make the good times shine that much brighter. <3